The misuse of language induces evil in the soul...
Socrates
This is a sample speech of about 650 words intended to last about six minutes. It assumes a normal speaking rate of 125 words per minute with pauses for effect at various points. This speech is intended to be both very sincere and to evoke some laughter or at least knowing smiles along the way.

 
Sample Retirement Speech

When I told several of the partners that I was preparing a retirement speech, they were all quite enthusiastic. That is, of course, until they learned I was not the one retiring. Their enthusiasm became very muted and then evaporated entirely when they learned that Bill was leaving us.

This is a sad moment for us all because Bill has been such a bulwark of the company over the past twenty years. Through thick and thin, Bill was there with one sleeve rolled up and his glasses perched atop his forehead giving his best efforts either to solve the problem at hand or more to his liking, thinking matters through beforehand so these problems would not occur in the first place. Those of you who have been here for a while know exactly what I mean. For the rest, I will give an illustration.

Two years ago when we were preparing the Delson proposal, Bill was in charge of the project. It was a rare (perhaps unique) moment in time because we actually finished the proposal ahead of schedule. We were all so pleased and self-satisfied with our good work that we were ready to do cartwheels in the lobby. Bill, however, had this queasy feeling that something was just not right. Done ahead of time? We can go home early tonight? Well, not so fast thought Bill. He just didn't feel right in his gut. And I'll tell you one thing, Bill's gut is not something you want to argue with.

Anyway, Bill, destroyer of self-satisfaction and prince of "not good enough," decided that the proposal needed one more thorough review and brain storming session before it left the office. The groans were palpable, although they could not be heard because nobody dared be vocal. Bill, however, pressed on and we are all fortunate that he did. He sat with the proposal team and reviewed each paragraph word for word one last time. When we finally reached the "Technical Considerations" section of the proposal, there was a sudden quiet in the room as we realized we had reversed the extraction process for removing zinc byproducts from the molds. Well, this may seem a small, explainable thing. It was not. Had we gone forward with the proposal in its then present state, it is safe to say that more than one eyebrow would have been raised at Delson. We probably would not have landed the job, and we would not be talking about that contract today.

This is only one of countless examples where Bill's thoroughness and attention to detail have helped shine a bright light of success on our company. It was not sheer orneriness that made Bill take that one last step (although I suspect that played a part), it was his insistence that we do the very best job we can whatever the task before us. Bill leaves a great void to fill. I know, however, that he has inspired and trained his staff to take over almost seamlessly and that, of course, is a good thing for him. Otherwise we might send out the posse to drag him back here.

With Bill's departure we lose a terrific engineering talent, an impeccable pride of workmanship, a never wavering, can-do spirit, and above all, a very dear friend. Bill has said that he now plans to spend his days coaching his grandson's baseball team, and all I can say is his grandson's Little League squad does not know how lucky it is. Bill, we wish you every happiness in the retirement you so richly deserve, and we will always take inspiration from the shining sense of professionalism you displayed day in and day out throughout your career.

  All the Best,

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